Day 13

It was supposed to be a fast trip to the fabric store. All I needed was two more small pieces of fabric so that I can get started making some Christmas stockings. I started looking, found some possibilites, then grabbed a number for the cut table while finalizing my selection. I was six numbers away and there were two or three cutters working at the counter. I figured I had about ten minutes before my number was called so I picked the couple of fabrics I wanted and then just looked around for awhile. It was a long while. When the number before mine was called I meandered closer to the counter so I wouldn't miss my number being called. I stood there, and stood there, and stood there. For probably fifteen minutes. Oh, did I mention that I was supposed to pick up my mom at four? It was past four before I got to the cut table, and I had been waiting in line for around 30 minutes. For six people ahead of me. With three cutters at the counter. Grrr.

When I got to the checkout line and saw that it was so long that I wasn't even in the designated aisle where it normally starts, I called my mom and told her that I was going to be late. She was very understanding. She always is. But I was still frustrated and unhappy. I ended up being there for over an hour for two dollars and sixty-eight cents worth of fabric. Not cool.

You might be wondering where the joy turns up in this story. It doesn't. That's the problem. As I was driving home I was thinking about what I was going to write about in my blog, and I thought about this situation and my response to it. Can we all agree that it took way longer than it should have for me to get my two little pieces of fabric? Yes. Did I have a reason to be frustrated? Probably. Did I have to be frustrated? No. That was my choice. I didn't think about that at the time, but although it felt like the natural reaction to the situation, I didn't have to let myself be frustrated. I do not have to be controlled by my emotions; I have the ability to contol them. I had the choice to be joyful in that situation, but I chose not to be. The employees at the fabric store didn't take my joy from me; I willingly let it become missing in action.

Now that I've worked through that, let me search a little deeper. There have been times when I have had to wait in long lines and it hasn't bothered me at all. What was the difference in those situations? I wasn't supposed to be picking someone up at a certain time. Someone wasn't relying on me. That is where the frustration came in. However, my mom was understanding and was willing to wait. So why was I still upset? (Give me a minute, I'm thinking.)

I was frustrated because I don't like letting people down. Digging down deep I realize this is a pride issue. Sigh. I should have known. I could also probably throw in a bit a selfishness because that is the other issue that seems to be at the root of everything else. Pride and selfishness: the deadly duo.

I don't want to write an essay, so I will try to wrap this up. Let me sum up what I learned today about joy, or the lack thereof. I let my pride and my selfishness replace my joy in a frustrating situation. See, I can be concise. I pray that I will do better next time.