Day 71

It sounded like a great plan last night.  Phil would wake up at 7:00, and then wake me up at 8:00 so that we could have breakfast together, and then he would leave for work at 9:00.  The plan seemed a little less great this morning when he woke me up.  I was tired.  I had only gotten four hours of sleep the night before and could still feel it.  Phil asked me if I wanted to keep sleeping, and every part of me wanted to say yes.  But I didn't.  Instead, I got up and made us breakfast.  We had a nice hour together before he left for work. 

After he had left, I thought, "If I had slept in, I would have missed a morning with my husband."  Sleep's great, but I can always sleep when he is not here.  Sleep is not more important than my relationship with him.  And then I had the convicting thought, "How many times have I done that to God?"  How many times have I placed my own selfish desires above spending time with God through prayer or in the Word?  Too many.  My actions show that maybe I don't value my relationship with God as much as I think I do.  This is sobering to think about.  I say that I love God and want to know Him more, but do I actually do anything about it?

I am going to a seminary class on godliness and spiritual disciplines.  I have been deeply convicted and greatly encouraged through the lectures on godliness, prayer, and spending time in the Word.   It has made me realize where I am weak and how to work on those weaknesses.  The ultimate goal, however, is not to pray more or read my Bible more.  The goal is to love Jesus more and deepen my relationship with Him.  Our focus must always be Jesus or else we will fall into checklist Christianity.

I realize that I still have a ways to go. I have hope in knowing, however, that nothing I can do will make God love me more, and He has given me the Holy Spirit who will help me love Him more.  Everything that I need to grow in godliness and in my love of Christ God has already given me.  The battle is already won, and all that I need to do is show up to fight and depend on His strength and power to see me through.

May you find joy in spending time with the Lord.