I've been looking for a job for six months. Not constantly, but sometimes when the house was clean and we had food to eat and I had done everything I needed to do and somehow still had some energy left over, I would go to Netflix and put on a television show and get out my laptop and look for jobs.
Uuuuggh. It was awful.
Everything I was qualified for I didn't want to do. Out of a hundred jobs, a handful might seem like something I would be interested in, but then of course I wasn't qualified for them. When I found the rare combination of interest and experience, I would spend the lengthy process of filling out the application, only to never hear back from them again. I have some wonderful friends who kept their ears open and told me about jobs in their companies when they became available. I usually got a little farther with those, maybe even an interview, but then once again: nothing.
Time and time again I asked God, "Is it too much to ask to have a job that I would enjoy doing?" And time and time again God answered and said, "Find your worth, find your happiness, find your contentment in Me, because that is really the issue here, not your job." And of course, He was right. But of course, I'm not perfect, so my job did matter, more then it should. I felt stuck, trapped, like I would have to work yet another holiday season in retail, miss more birthday parties and small groups, and forever be tired.
And then came a small little ad with hardly any description, just that it was a part-time administrative position. I wrote about it on Day 122 (http://the365daysofjoy.blogspot.com/2012/09/day-122.html), because what caught my eye was that they wanted a hand-written letter instead of a resume sent. Two days after I sent it, I got a call for an interview for the next day. That was last Thursday. This morning at 8:00, I got a call.
I got the job.
Obviously I haven't started the job yet, but from the description it sounds like the perfect fit for me. My strengths, my interests, my ideal number of hours rolled into one package. This is a job I might actually enjoy going to, and not just go because I have to. I haven't said that in a long time. I was looking over the hiring booklet and almost got giddy when I saw that I get holidays off, and if the holiday is on a weekend I get Friday or Monday off. That might not seem like a big deal to you people, but it's a big deal to me. No more waking up at 5:00 in the morning. No more working overnight shifts. No more not knowing what my schedule looks like two weeks from now. I'm so happy!
To be honest, I don't feel like I had completely learned my contentment lesson from God yet. I was mentally prepared to have my job search drag on and on as I struggled to submit to God in this area of my life. But God's not like that. Lessons are important and sometimes they have to be learned the hard way, but God also loves to bless His children, especially when we least deserve it. He's not waiting for us to be perfect, because He knows we will never be, He's just waiting for the timing to be perfect. And although I'll never fully understand it, I'm so glad that He does.
May you find joy in God's perfect timing.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Day 124
Wow. No excuses, read this:
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/08/how-to-really-live/
May you find joy in the true source of joy.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/08/how-to-really-live/
May you find joy in the true source of joy.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Day 123
Over the last couple of weeks there has been something that I have been thinking about a lot. It started when my husband and I were in Michigan for a wedding and then in Minnesota visiting his family. It was a fast trip: a few days here, a few days there, we never spent more than two nights in the same bed. We visited lots of wonderful people and even made made some new relationships. But I kept thinking to myself, "If only we had more time. If only we could spend a week with each group instead of a few hours or a day." If only.
I know many, many wonderful people. They fill my life. I see them at church, at small group, at Ignite, at work, at parties, at picnics and when visiting family. I am truly blessed by the people in my life. Not only that, I meet lots of people as well, many people that I would like to get to know better. But in spite of all that, there are also many, many wonderful people that I don't know well or don't know at all. This saddens me. I want to know everybody, know them well, and I can't do that. It's not physically possible. I only have 24 hours in my day, and so does everyone else. Even with the people I do know fairly well and see on a regular basis there still never seems to be enough time to spend with them.
But one day, there will be enough time. One day, long after our physical bodies have ceased to exist and the old earth has been replaced. One day, when our days are spent in the presence of our Lord and Savior, worshipping His holy name. One day, when we are in heaven, there will be enough time. There will be forever. We could spend a thousand years with one person and still have forever. We could spend a million years with another person and still have forever. We will have forever. For all the disappointment that this life brings, there is hope for us in the next. One day, there will be enough time to get to know all the wonderful people. And my hope is that you will be there, and that I will be able to spend a long enough time with you.
May you find joy in a future hope.
I know many, many wonderful people. They fill my life. I see them at church, at small group, at Ignite, at work, at parties, at picnics and when visiting family. I am truly blessed by the people in my life. Not only that, I meet lots of people as well, many people that I would like to get to know better. But in spite of all that, there are also many, many wonderful people that I don't know well or don't know at all. This saddens me. I want to know everybody, know them well, and I can't do that. It's not physically possible. I only have 24 hours in my day, and so does everyone else. Even with the people I do know fairly well and see on a regular basis there still never seems to be enough time to spend with them.
But one day, there will be enough time. One day, long after our physical bodies have ceased to exist and the old earth has been replaced. One day, when our days are spent in the presence of our Lord and Savior, worshipping His holy name. One day, when we are in heaven, there will be enough time. There will be forever. We could spend a thousand years with one person and still have forever. We could spend a million years with another person and still have forever. We will have forever. For all the disappointment that this life brings, there is hope for us in the next. One day, there will be enough time to get to know all the wonderful people. And my hope is that you will be there, and that I will be able to spend a long enough time with you.
May you find joy in a future hope.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Day 122
Today I was looking for jobs and I came across these instructions for applying: "Send a handwritten letter telling us why we should hire you. Include your name, address, phone and email so that we may contact you. Please do not call, come by the office or submit your resume at this time."
Unconventional: yes. Interesting: very. Since it was a job that fits my criteria, at least from the brief description given, I decided to give it a go. After typing endless information into little boxes, aptitude tests and employment history questions, it was actually quite enjoyable to do something different. There was one more reason I did it as well: I love writing.
When I say I love writing, I don't mean writing in the sense of what I am doing now, although I enjoy that as well. I love writing by hand. I love good pens to the extent that I am a pen snob. I love shaping letters perfectly and adding my unique flair to them. I actually have at least four different styles of hand-writing, depending on the occasion. Typing is fast, convenient and in a very literal sense perfect, but hand-writing can be beautiful in a way that typing never can. Hand-writing is an art, but sadly not many people see it like that any more. Writing by hand is usually considered a last resort whenever there isn't an electrical device to input information into. But not for me. I still prefer to write by hand whenever I get the chance. It's personal and unique, and it takes more effort, but it's also worth it.
May you find joy in beautiful writing.
Unconventional: yes. Interesting: very. Since it was a job that fits my criteria, at least from the brief description given, I decided to give it a go. After typing endless information into little boxes, aptitude tests and employment history questions, it was actually quite enjoyable to do something different. There was one more reason I did it as well: I love writing.
When I say I love writing, I don't mean writing in the sense of what I am doing now, although I enjoy that as well. I love writing by hand. I love good pens to the extent that I am a pen snob. I love shaping letters perfectly and adding my unique flair to them. I actually have at least four different styles of hand-writing, depending on the occasion. Typing is fast, convenient and in a very literal sense perfect, but hand-writing can be beautiful in a way that typing never can. Hand-writing is an art, but sadly not many people see it like that any more. Writing by hand is usually considered a last resort whenever there isn't an electrical device to input information into. But not for me. I still prefer to write by hand whenever I get the chance. It's personal and unique, and it takes more effort, but it's also worth it.
May you find joy in beautiful writing.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Day 121
It seems like a long time ago.
For me, 9/11 was almost half a lifetime ago. When I think about it that way, it seems like a very long time ago indeed. Even so, I remember it clearly just like everyone else.
11 years later, the shock has worn off; the sadness remains. Sadness will always remain when people lose their lives cruelly and ununnecessarily. So much has changed since that time. On the whole, I think we as a nation have moved on. Not moved on in the sense that we pretend it didn't happen or have forgotten, no, may it never be. We will always remember and honor the fallen and the heroes, but we have moved on in the way that we must, the way that is necessary. Tragedy is like getting a new tattoo: It hurts at the beginning, you think about it often, you will always carry it with you, but eventually it will fade a little bit and you won't think about it as much. Such is life: we get knocked down, then we get back up and learn how to live again. The greatest honor we can give to the fallen is to show that terrorism did not win that day.
Dedicated to the memory of the victims and heroes of 9/11.
For me, 9/11 was almost half a lifetime ago. When I think about it that way, it seems like a very long time ago indeed. Even so, I remember it clearly just like everyone else.
11 years later, the shock has worn off; the sadness remains. Sadness will always remain when people lose their lives cruelly and ununnecessarily. So much has changed since that time. On the whole, I think we as a nation have moved on. Not moved on in the sense that we pretend it didn't happen or have forgotten, no, may it never be. We will always remember and honor the fallen and the heroes, but we have moved on in the way that we must, the way that is necessary. Tragedy is like getting a new tattoo: It hurts at the beginning, you think about it often, you will always carry it with you, but eventually it will fade a little bit and you won't think about it as much. Such is life: we get knocked down, then we get back up and learn how to live again. The greatest honor we can give to the fallen is to show that terrorism did not win that day.
Dedicated to the memory of the victims and heroes of 9/11.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Day 120
I don't remember if I've posted this quote or not, but it's one of my favorites, so even if I have here it is again:
"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
If you are feeling really ambitious, here the whole chapter from the Screwtape Letters for your enjoyment:
http://iansuffix.kontek.net/docs/screwtapeChpt8.htm
Relish in the writing, the words, the flow. Even if Lewis hadn't hit the nail on the head dead on, which he did, reading "The Screwtape Letters" would still be a literary feast. It's beautiful; there is no other way to put it.
To go back a bit, I love that quote because I've been there. I know what it's like to feel so empty and dry and to wonder what happened to my passion for God. I've stood in a world that is cruel and dark and unfair, and asked God why He didn't do something I knew He could do. And in those moments, there is a choice to make. The dangerous choice is to follow feelings wherever they may lead, even though feelings are so often based in a lie. The other choice, the one described by Lewis in the above quote, is to cling to the truth that God is good and loving even though it might not feel like it. The faithful make a choice to follow even when the night is dark and their heart is broken. That is a dangerous type of faith.
May you find joy in following faithfully.
"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
If you are feeling really ambitious, here the whole chapter from the Screwtape Letters for your enjoyment:
http://iansuffix.kontek.net/docs/screwtapeChpt8.htm
Relish in the writing, the words, the flow. Even if Lewis hadn't hit the nail on the head dead on, which he did, reading "The Screwtape Letters" would still be a literary feast. It's beautiful; there is no other way to put it.
To go back a bit, I love that quote because I've been there. I know what it's like to feel so empty and dry and to wonder what happened to my passion for God. I've stood in a world that is cruel and dark and unfair, and asked God why He didn't do something I knew He could do. And in those moments, there is a choice to make. The dangerous choice is to follow feelings wherever they may lead, even though feelings are so often based in a lie. The other choice, the one described by Lewis in the above quote, is to cling to the truth that God is good and loving even though it might not feel like it. The faithful make a choice to follow even when the night is dark and their heart is broken. That is a dangerous type of faith.
May you find joy in following faithfully.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Day 119
Something amazing happened today: I finished an oil painting. I enjoy starting oil paintings, but I don't get around to finishing many of them. I usually only find the time, motivation, and energy to oil paint about twice a year, so you can see why it's slow going. I start a painting, and once I get around to wanting to paint again, I no longer am interested in painting what I started six months ago, so I start something new. But this time I finished. Here it is:
My brother took a picture of this poppy last summer, and I fell in love with that picture from the moment I saw it. It is the desktop background on my laptop, and now it is forever captured in oil on canvas. I love the vivid colors and the elegant simplicity. It's a reminder that beauty is everywhere if you know how to see it. That's why I wanted to paint it, and that's why I finished it.
There's something relaxing about oil painting, the smell of paint mixed with linseed oil and paint thinner. The knowledge that I can never make a mistake that can't be fixed by another layer of paint. The quietness and the creating. Why don't I do it more? I ask myself that everytime I get out my brushes and palette, and yet, I still only do it every once in a long while. Maybe one day I'll find more time, and yet, maybe oil painting will always be my little retreat from the world, a place to rest my soul every once in a while, a joy that is only needed in small doses to be effective.
May you find joy in creating.
My brother took a picture of this poppy last summer, and I fell in love with that picture from the moment I saw it. It is the desktop background on my laptop, and now it is forever captured in oil on canvas. I love the vivid colors and the elegant simplicity. It's a reminder that beauty is everywhere if you know how to see it. That's why I wanted to paint it, and that's why I finished it.
There's something relaxing about oil painting, the smell of paint mixed with linseed oil and paint thinner. The knowledge that I can never make a mistake that can't be fixed by another layer of paint. The quietness and the creating. Why don't I do it more? I ask myself that everytime I get out my brushes and palette, and yet, I still only do it every once in a long while. Maybe one day I'll find more time, and yet, maybe oil painting will always be my little retreat from the world, a place to rest my soul every once in a while, a joy that is only needed in small doses to be effective.
May you find joy in creating.
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