Well, I'm back. I know it's been awhile, and I'm sorry. You don't know how many times I thought to myself, "I need to get back to my blog," and yet I didn't. Things get easier with time. When you write a blog everyday, it gets easier to write. When you don't write a blog everyday, it gets easier not to write; it gets easier to come up with excuses. My main excuse for not writing for a month is simple: I couldn't. For part of it I was physically too busy, and for the other part of it I was not mentally and emotionally ready. Even now, right this minute, it's hard. I cried when I read my last post about my grandpa, and I'm crying now. I'm a mental processor, which means it's hard for me to work through things with words. I think and think and think, and once I've worked through something, then it can come out in words. To be honest I don't think I quite know why this past month has been hard or even to the extent it's been hard, I just know that it has. I've seen the signs that something's not quite right, from struggling to do something creative like making cards, to not being able to figure out what to have for dinner-every night. It's like I've lost part of myself and I don't know where I went. The good news is that I feel like I'm getting better. Whatever I lost is coming back, slowly. Like I said on Day 115, you have to learn how to live again.
This isn't a warm and fuzzy feel-good post, but at least it's honest. I'm going to try to start writing every day again, but I'm not making any promises quite yet. Thank you for sticking with me.
May you find joy when life is hard.
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